Thursday, January 10, 2008

What does BMW really stand for?

I sometimes tend to be an overcautious driver, especially when turning right. This morning I had indicated to turn right into a side street, but took me time to ensure that the road was clear of oncoming traffic. The motorist behind me who couldn't wait two seconds seemed to think I was taking too long and showed his impatience by beeping his horn at me. I hate this. People like this have no consideration for nervous or inexperienced drivers (not that I count myself in this categoery, having passed my driving test over 16 years ago, but drivers who should be treated with great consideration as they tend to be more careful than the average driver). I've also noticed that the more expensive or flashy the car is the ruder the driver tends to be. I drive a modest Fiat Punto. As it's mostly just myself who travels in the car I have no need for a bigger model.

I also have utter contempt for obnxious pricks with chips on their shoulder like Jeremy Clarkson who see the car they drive as some kind of masturbatory fantasy. Naturally enough I was delighted to see him humiliated recently after giving out his bank account number in the Sun newspaper in a pathetic attempt to disprove the current public hysteria over security of personal data, only to find that a reader had used it to successfully set up a direct debit account with a leading charity. The story has been amply covered within the blogosphere - see Memex and Johnny K for example. Clarkson's latest book is called "Don't Stop Me Now". A highly apropriately title - especially if he was driving over a cliff at the time.

Getting back to the story in hand, the impatient individual behind me was in a spanking new silver BMW. Now, I don't know idea what BMW stands (something in German I presume) and I can't be arsed looking it up on Wikipedia, but in his case it probably stands for "Bastard-faced Motherfucking Wanker".
When it was safe to turn into the side street, just to piss him off I drove as slowly as possible - roughly at the pace of an elderly snail on sedatives.

I briefly glanced towards his already infuriated countenance, and blew him a kiss for good measure. The expression on the bastard's face was absolutley priceless. It made my day.


Chekov said...

My personal bug bear is the piloting of 4 X 4s in urban environments. These cars just get bigger and the drivers get ruder. Then there are those who fail to raise their hand when you let them in. Or people who sit in the overtaking lane despite the fact they're not overtaking anyone. Or those who take up the left lane on a roundabout despite the fact they're going left.

As you can tell I'm a chilled out driver.

nerd. said...

Isn't it Bavarian Motor Works (or whatever that is in German)?

Have to disagree on Clarkson. He can be an arse at times but he is funny and a necessary antidote to some of the nannying and/or driver-bashing emanating from government.

Chekov said...

"Or those who take up the left lane on a roundabout despite the fact they're going left."

Or even when they're going right!

CW said...

Chekov, I couldn't agree more!

Nerd, fair point. I can see where you're coming from here. As much as I despise the man, I will concede that he merits some praise for his deliberately provocative political incorrectness as an effective protest against the political-correctness-gone-mad culture which seems to have engulfed contemporary society.

The Daily Magnet said...

What about bogus mobile wally?

CW said...

That's a good one, Daily Magnet!

Johnny K said...

Q. What's the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog?
A. The hedgehog has the pricks on the outside.

CW said...

Classic, Johnny K! Keep them coming in!

Anonymous said...

yeah rigth nerd. that stands for "Bayerische Motoren Werke" -> the best way to translate that into your language is Bavarian Motor Works!

Greetings from Bavaria, Germany. Maria